The Super Bowl Of Sex

A run of show for your bedroom performance inspired by the Superbowl. By Guest Contributor "Lara from Tales Of Lara"

Photo by Danny Scott Lane

Editor's Note: We asked our friend Lara to pen a few words this week at the intersection of sport and sex. Inspired by last Sunday's big game, Lara's created some tips for this sunday's main event. Why Lara? She's the creator of the cult Instagram account Tales of Lara, whose erotic tales and refined visuals have inspired and empowered a community of women (and men) to embrace their sexual confidence through the eyes of this feminine force.

You can also join Lara on her Podcast Pussy Church, a quest to gospel about sex, worship erotic art, and give advice based on your sexy confessions. Every Sunday, she and her co-host pray and sin in the name of pleasure, and all you need to say is "Amen."

And now, our editorial hail mary.

The Super Bowl Of Sex

A lot of urban myths (and some kernels of truth) have shrouded the union of sex and athletic performance. Anything from abstinence increasing your chances in sporting competitions to sex being a valuable form of cardio. So in the spirit of yesterday’s NFL Super Bowl, I present to you: “The Super Bowl Of Sex,” or all you need to know for and about an athletic fuck. Let’s gooooo!


The playoffs are basically like foreplay. Ok, bare with me: they build anticipation, some games are definitely more exciting than the main match and they take way longer than the finale, just like good foreplay is supposed to. The most fascinating & longest enduring myth concerning sex and exercise is definitely that restraining from sex and ejaculation will up your performance in sporting competitions. Looking at you, ancient Greeks! The fear being that sex will sap men of their testosterone and energy, which are needed for peak performance. This is actually WRONG! A 2016 study published in the journal Frontiers in Physiology, concluded that there is "no robust scientific evidence to indicate that sexual activity has a negative effect upon athletic results.” Furthermore, testosterone levels can actually drop in males when they don’t have sex for a prolonged period of time. So no need for abstinence, just don’t stay up till 5am the night before the game, fuckin’ around. Duh.

"no robust scientific evidence to indicate that sexual activity has a negative effect upon athletic results.” 


Let the games begin! I like to say sex is “a marathon not a sprint.” Ok, it can be both but stamina can be a great thing on the field and in the bedroom. Being physically fit and active will increase cardiovascular health and flexibility, which will support you in becoming the nocturnal athlete you’ve always dreamed to be.


Some say they only watch the Super Bowl for its legendary commercials. Some say feeling comfortable in your own skin is the sexiest attribute in a partner. And since working out is proven to boost your confidence, being in shape will directly translate to your sex life. No more thinking of your belly fat while trying to orgasm, babies. First off: you’re beautiful inside and out! Secondly: exercise (and sex) will make you feel better about your body and soul. A win win situation.

Half Time Show

So at this point we’ve spent two hours fucking, ahm, watching sweaty bodies bumping into each other. Time for a little break! Turn on some music (my newest playlist for OFFFIELD for example) and hydrate! With some drinks from OFFFIELD, of course. Cum on, this was a great segue to some shameless promo.

Touch Down

Touch Doooowwwnnn! We have arrived at the ‘Big Oh,’ my friends. And it’s not just fun and games: according to research nutting is actually good for you! Orgasms happen in the brain and the process involves nearly every body system. It'd be overkill to list every single study, but in short: orgasms relief stress, help you sleep better, strengthen your immune system, make your skin glow... and the list goes on! If that's not inspiring, I don't know what is.

Let’s sex-ercise! I’m a motivational speaker now. 

Check out OFFFIELD Enhanced Hydration if you're ready to "get in the game"
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